Stinkbomb, Kaiba?
by DarkShadowFlame
Summary: It was to be a glorious pranking, one unmatched by any other in the history of Domino, daringly targeting the offlimits and imposing Kaiba mansion. Except that Joey and Téa got lost inside the unnecessarily large house.
1. Part I : Sneaking In

**Stinkbomb, Kaiba?**

* * *

_It was to be a glorious pranking, one unmatched by any other in the history of Domino, daringly targeting the off-limits and imposing Kaiba mansion. Except that Joey and Téa got lost inside the unnecessarily large house._

* * *

Part One of Four – Sneaking In

* * *

"This is the stupidest idea ever," Téa grumbled. 

"No it's not!" Joey sounded wounded. "It's brilliant. Tristan's going to be so jealous."

"So why didn't you bring him instead of me?" Téa complained, pulling a leaf out of her hair and making a face.

"He said he had to do that history paper. Sucks to be him. High-five to us slackers!" In the limited space, Joey raised a palm, but Téa merely arched an eyebrow at him.

"I finished the paper three days ago. When, exactly were _you_ planning on doing it?" she inquired sweetly.

Joey lowered his hand sheepishly, drawing idly in the dirt. "Hey, I'm passing that class," he defended lamely.

"Not for long," she muttered threateningly.

"First period study hall!" Joey exclaimed in a flash of brilliance. "I have first period study hall!"

Ignoring him, Téa checked her watch, using the tiny penlight she'd brought along. "God, it's 3:47 in the _morning_," she groaned. She felt something crawl up her leg and hurriedly brushed it aside, not daring to speculate on what it was. _Spider!_ her mind supplied, and she forced the thought away, focusing on the stagnant conversation with Joey. "And here I am, crouched under a bush with you."

"A very conveniently placed bush," Joey grinned. "For all his damn security, I bet Kaiba never even thought that people could use this conveniently-placed bush to sneak into his house."

"And destroy it," Téa finished with a sigh.

"Not destroy! _Prank_," Joey corrected.

Téa let her head fall onto the chain-link fence that she was currently resting against. The fence wound around all the Kaiba's property, broken only by the front gate. She and Joey were sitting in the cold, slightly damp dirt under the conveniently-placed bush; i.e. right next to the front gate. Right now it was firmly shut and locked, and had been for the last twenty minutes.

"Are you _sure_ that delivery truck is supposed to arrive tonight?" she asked for the third time.

"Hey, I told you! I heard him talking on his cell-phone. Kaiba told the truck to bring the new computer equipment between three-thirty and four, and that the guards would let him in."

"And you're sure it was three-thirty in the _morning_?" she asked skeptically.

"Yeah, 'cause Kaiba specifically said so. The guy on the end didn't sound so happy… but Kaiba said he'd pay him a little extra… then he turned around and saw me listening and tried to kill me."

Téa ignored the dramatic ending to the story, because headlights finally pierced the dark night. She grabbed at Joey's arm, hissing at him to be quiet.

The truck pulled up, just feet away from their hiding place. Joey and Téa scrambled up, crouching on their knees. Joey slipped his backpack on, and Téa leaned over his shoulder, trying to see what was going on.

A window rolled down, and a tired-looking man leaned out and addressed the speaker. "I've got the computer equipment Mister Kaiba requested? The hard drive supplements?"

"Of course," a voice came from the speaker. "I'll let you inside in a moment."

The driver receded, the window rolled up, and Joey and Téa tensed up. After a few agonizing seconds, the gate sloooowly swung open silently. Joey was slightly disappointed; he'd been hoping for a creaky fence, just to set the mood, but Téa apparently wasn't picky about the details. "Come on!" she hissed, dragging him forward. "If I got talked into doing this by you, at least we're going to do it right. I'm _not_ going to get squished by the gate."

Crouching parallel to the truck as it slowly passed the gate and continued down the winding driveway, Téa and Joey made it through the opening with plenty of time to spare. Joey, who had scouted the job out beforehand, grabbed Téa's hand and dragged her several feet down the fence, quickly cutting through a bit of open yard before arriving under the safety of a giant oak tree. They pressed their back to the bark, blending into the darkness, and waited with bated breath. It was needless, however; their entry into Kaiba's property had gone unnoticed. The truck arrived at the garage, and two men emerged. Téa watched as the truck was waved to the backyard, where they presumably began unloading its cargo.

"Did the two security guys leave?" Joey asked in a whisper.

"Yes. No one's around. Are we going to go now?" she breathed.

Joey leaned over her and peered around. "Yes. _Now!_" Once again, he yanked on her arm, and she nearly toppled over before regaining her balance and charging after him. They dashed across the grass, in plain view of anyone watching, and practically dove into the shrubs lining the actual Kaiba mansion.

And then they waited some more. Téa ran her fingers along the flowers they were hiding in. She was practically sitting on some giant orchard blossom she didn't recognize, and she shifted, trying not to crush it. Compared to what Joey was planning, that was probably the least of her worries, but the flowers were so beautiful she didn't want to do any unnecessary damage.

Joey was crouched behind an oversized lilac bush, with a very intent look on his face. His eyes scanned the grounds, and she could practically see his ears perked up, listening carefully.

She shifted, growing rapidly bored. They'd been doing nothing but waiting around for the last half-hour, save the mild trek from outside the gate to outside the house.

"Joey, how are you so calm?" she asked in an annoyed whisper. "You're the most impatient person I know! Why on earth can't you be this relaxed in school?"

He turned to her, giving the girl a wide grin. His white teeth shone in the darkness, giving Joey a decidedly evil appearance. "School doesn't reap such rich rewards," he said nonchalantly. "I'm preparing for the practical joke of a lifetime. I can be patient."

Téa groaned. "Well, I got dragged along on this crazy mission against my will! I _can't_ be. Can we please just do the windows and go home?"

Joey stuck his tongue out. "It's your own fault, for betting against me. But fine- I don't think anyone saw us. We can start now."

And he took off his backpack and began removing the precious items stored inside, Téa let her head drop. She _should_ have known better than to bet Joey he couldn't eat a given amount of food. "But ten hamburgers!" she whispered to herself. She measured them out with her hands, stacking them two-by-five. "They shouldn't even fit in your stomach!" she whined at Joey.

He patted his perfectly flat abdomen. "Food gets crushed when you eat it," he informed her superciliously. "Now, here ya go." He handed her a spray can. "This stuff washes off with water, so don't worry about any permanent damage to Moneybag's house. Decorate away." Taking his own advice, he crouched beneath the nearest window, and with concentration began drawing with the can of spray paint.

Téa hesitated. "Are you _sure_ it comes off?" she asked.

"Come on, stop worrying!" Joey said happily, admiring his craftsmanship. "It's just dyed soap, I think. I'm positive it comes off with water. Tristan and me decorated my mom's car once."

Téa rolled her eyes. Hesitantly, she edged down to a second window, and carefully drew a smiley face on the glass. "Joey! Is this good?" she asked in a whisper.

He looked over. "Well, it's _fine_. It's just boring."

"What's _fun_?" she hissed back.

"This!" He beckoned her over. Téa reluctantly went to see what Joey had drawn- or rather, written.

_Yugi's Number One Fan!_

Téa muffled a snort. "Oh yeah, Kaiba will find that reeeeeal funny…"

"He'll blow a gasket," Joey grinned proudly. Téa sighed and rubbed her forehead, but she was beginning to get the hang of this. Together, they circled the Kaiba household, decorating a few window panes chosen at random. Joey switched colors back and forth, although Téa mostly stuck with blue.

_I Love Pegasus!_

_Free Duel Monsters Cards!_

_Funny Bunny is my FRIEND!_

_I'm Second-Best!_

"Are you sure we can't get arrested for this?" Téa asked in a whisper.

"Hey, I told you to stop worrying, remember?" Joey was trying to concentrate on his depiction of a Blue-Eyes Toon Dragon on the large sliding glass doors. "I'm sure."

"_How_ are you sure?" she asked insistently. He didn't answer. "You're not sure, are you." She groaned. "I really don't want to get arrested, Joey…"

"Don't sweat it! You're with me, master pranker. We'll never be found."

"I can see my parents posting the bail already," she lamented softly.

"Aw, come on. You need to relax, Téa! Have some fun!" Joey handed her a roll of toilet paper.

Téa eyed it. "TP-ing Seto Kaiba's house is supposed to be relaxing and fun?"

"Sure is," Joey said cheerfully, sending his roll flying over the lilac bush. The paper fluttered like a banner, gently settling over the tall branches.

Téa sighed, but bowled her own roll over the shorter shrubs, covering them neatly. "You know, I thought you were supposed to be a master pranker," she said in a whisper. "This is fairly standard stuff."

"Hey! I haven't even gotten _started_ yet," Joey said, acting hurt. "Have a little faith, Téa."

"Okay, then, what's next?" she inquired, arching an eyebrow.

Joey grinned. "Glad you're finally getting into it! I figured that the delivery truck would still be there for a good fifteen minutes, so we can get in while the security guy's attention is distracted-"

"Get _in_?" Téa squeaked, her throat suddenly dry. "Get in _where_?"

"Inside, of course," Joey said, giving her a 'duh' look.

"Inside the _house_?" Her voice was still high-pitched and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She was suddenly too terrified to care.

"No, inside the Eiffel Tower," Joey said, rolling his eyes. He checked his watch. "Whoa. We took longer on this than I planned. Come on." He grabbed her arm and made as if to drag her across the yard.

"Oh no. No, no, no." Téa shook her head and planted her feet firmly in the ground. "You have got to be kidding me. Joey, drawing with soap on the windows and TP-ing the yard is one thing. I am _not_ breaking into Seto Kaiba's mansion. We really _will_ get arrested." He stared at her, giving a pout. "No!" she said again, wrenching her wrist out of Joey's grasp.

"Oh, fine." He crossed his arms and sulked. "The only opportunity we'll ever get, probably, to sneak in there and mess around, and you won't take it!"

"It's _illegal_!" Téa practically shrieked.

"You're such a worrywart!" Joey crossed his arms and matched glares with her, but she had far more practice than him. Eventually, he dropped his eyes and sighed. "Geez, fine, fine. We'll just destroy the security tapes, and maybe switch some furniture around, but then we'll leave right away…"

He looked up, expecting her to be pleased that she'd gotten her way. Instead, Téa gaped at him, her face white as a sheet. "…_security tapes_?" she finally managed to gasp.

"You mean you didn't see the camera?" Joey asked innocently. "Right next to the gate. It might have only caught my sleeve while we were waiting, but it sure caught us running in. Plus…" he looked up, and Téa automatically followed. "There's probably one around here somewhere. I think it see it- over there." He pointed to the protruding box two stories above them. "But I figure, just like in stores or museums, they can't afford to keep the tapes of every single camera, every single night. It's gotta be digital. So we just go into the hard drive and switch around the dates, replace this night with tapes from a different night- say yesterday- and no one will ever know the difference!"

Téa gaped at him, momentarily speechless. "And you know how to do this?"

"Security systems usually come with easy labels," Joey assured her. He started to walk towards the truck, but Téa reached out and grabbed his shirt collar.

"And how exactly do you know this?" she hissed into his ear.

Joey looked sheepish. "I, ah, got a few pointers from Bakura…"

"Ryou Bakura?" She could hardly believe what she was hearing. "What does he know about security systems?"

"No, no… the other Bakura."

"His _dark half_?" Now she _really_ couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But he's from five-thousand-years-ago Egypt!"

"True," Joey nodded. "But he's, ah, been in a few stores these days. You know what I mean?"

"Unfortunately," she muttered, letting him go and rubbing her eyes. "I wish I'd never agreed to this."

"Come on, you'll have more fun once we're inside!" Joey said enthusiastically.

* * *

Just as Joey predicted, the truck was backed up into an open garage. Unfortunately, the garage was lit up brilliantly, throwing light fifty feet outward. Téa and Joey exchanged uncomfortable looks. They could hardly waltz in, at this rate. 

"Why did Mister Kaiba need these delivered at four in the morning?" one of the delivery men complained.

A security guard cleared his throat apologetically. "He said he needed them by this afternoon, and you weren't able to deliver during the day."

"We're getting paid overtime, at least," a second delivery man said, loading a huge box onto a platform and pushing it down the ramp and into the garage.

"How many left?" the first man called.

"A good half-dozen. There are some empty boxes in the back; don't mix those up."

"I won't- they'll feel empty!" the delivery man shot back. Everyone disappeared momentarily deep into the garage, their voices muted.

Joey didn't even bother to ask Téa "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He just grabbed her hand and ran.

* * *

"Last one," the truck driver announced tiredly as he pushed the large box down the ramp and struggled to prop it carefully next to all the others. "Who's going to sign off?" 

As one of the security guards took the clipboard and leaned on the box to fill out the required information, Téa felt the weight pressing upon her head. It was cramped in the box enough as it was. She was basically curled on top of Joey, squeezing her eyes shut out of nerves and trying her best to feel like computer equipment.

"Go back to bed," the security guard told his partner as the delivery men pulled out. The truck engine faded into the distance. "We can catch another two or three hours sleep and supervise the unpacking of these in the morning."

Téa suppressed the urge to cry out "Thank you!", because that would destroy the whole point. She clenched her fist triumphantly, then realized she was digging her nails into Joey's arm.

It took them far too long to shuffle out, but finally the faint light streaming through the cracks went out with a snap and the door banged shut. Immediately, Joey tried to stand up, sending Téa right through the top of the box. She fell heavily on the concrete floor. _Damn Kaiba_, she thought ruefully, stretching out her aching limbs. _With all his money, you'd think he could pad his garage. Or something._

"Geez, you're heavy," Joey whined. Her eyes narrowed; he seemed to not realize she was near snapping point already. "And your shoes were digging into my ass," he added, rubbing said area. Téa felt her sneakers, and measured up the potential future damage she could do.

"Let's just get in," she sighed. Her eyes went to his backpack: "You still have that thing?"

"Of course! It's got all my stuff in it!" Joey grinned maliciously.

"I thought we agreed-" Téa broke off, shaking her head. _I'm leaving as soon as we make sure those tapes are erased_, she thought. _Might as well let Joey have his fun_.

They made their way through the dark garage, using Téa's tiny penlight to guide their way. Joey stopped her once they reached the door – "Take these," he whispered. She furrowed her brow as he handed her what looked like wadded-up plastic. She tried to smooth the object out, but it was actually two things, and one of the pieces fell on the floor.

"Latex gloves?" she moaned as she stooped to pick it up. "What on earth are you planning that we would need latex gloves for?"

"This way, we won't leave any fingerprints!" Joey explained, as if it were obvious. "Come on, get those on. I'll let us in."

He slooowly eased the door open… this was the most dangerous part. He didn't know what would be on the other side. For all he knew, it could lead to the kennel, where Kaiba kept his vicious attack dogs. Or to the room the security guards slept in. Or the main computer of the house, which would immediately recognize Joey as an intruder and shoot him with laser beams.

Thankfully, of course, it was none of those. The door led to a plush, if a little boring, living room. Joey stepped onto the carpet, his feet immediately sinking deep into the fibers. Téa squeezed into the room as well, easing the door closed behind her, and looking around in awe.

"Nice place," she whispered, her eyes traveling from the huge television set-up at one end to the luxury couches scattered across the other. She started to take a step forward, but looked down guiltily at her dirty feet. "Joey," she whispered.

"Mmm?" he mumbled back, distracted.

"We should take off our shoes," she said, poking him to get his attention back. He gave her a look that plainly said "Are you kidding me?"

"It's a white carpet," she hissed, gesturing down. "And we've done enough damage already!"

Joey sighed, but it was easier to give into her request and hope that she tried to repay the favor in the future. He quickly yanked off his sneakers, tying the laces together and stringing them around his neck. Téa merely held hers tightly. "Nice socks," Joey snickered.

She glanced down, then elbowed him in the side. "They're cute!" she protested, while Joey laughed. Her socks were light blue, with little yellow ducklings decorating the fabric. "Stop smirking," Téa said, nudging Joey. "Where's the control room?"

He shrugged, a smile still on his face. "I figured we would stumble upon it in the midst of exploring."

Téa literally bit her cheek to keep from groaning. "Joey, sometimes I'm amazed at how thoroughly you planned this out. Teachers would be thrilled if you showed this much focus and concentration in school. And then you go and say something like that!"

"That _was_ planning!" he exclaimed indignantly.

* * *

_This is my least-favorite of the four chapters. __Also, I've been reading mostly Harry Potter fics, and I think I'm making Téa into a Hermione. ;) What can I say; I like them both._

_--DarkShadowFlame--_


	2. Part II : Sneaking Around

**Stinkbomb, Kaiba?**

* * *

_It was to be a glorious pranking, one unmatched by any other in the history of Domino, daringly targeting the off-limits and imposing Kaiba mansion. Except that Joey and Téa got lost inside the unnecessarily large house._

* * *

Part Two of Four – Sneaking Around

* * *

"This is the stupidest idea ever," Téa grumbled.

"I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far," Joey defended, but quietly.

"Why would the control room be upstairs?" she nearly whined.

"I don't think it really is- but I've got so many brilliant ideas!" Joey stopped climbing the stairs for a moment to look at her. Téa caught a glimpse of wide, dreamy eyes, lovingly plotting out every detail of his practical jokes.

"Oh, _Joey_," she sighed, trying to convey her disapproval, but it went in one ear and out the other. He began climbing again, bypassing the second floor and emerging on the third floor.

"I'm gonna start checking out the rooms," Joey announced, turning to face her. "You wanna try that one?" He pointed at a door on the left.

Téa put her hands on her hips and huffed. "I don't want to prowl through someone else's house!"

"We're not prowling," he explained. "I'm just curious, is all! Plus, I need to find a good place to set up my pranks." He was nearly glowing with anticipation.

Téa's head dropped in defeat. "I just want to get out of here…" she sighed.

"Well, help me out, just for a little while, and then we'll leave together! Okay?" Joey grinned charmingly.

"Oh God," she groaned. "If it'll speed this up- sure." She yanked the door open and peered inside. "Nothing," she reported.

"Téa!" Joey gave her a gentle shove in the back. "You have to go _explore_. Look for potential pranks."

"What, exactly, am I supposed to be looking for?"

"Like, personal care items. Shampoo would be good. Or clothes."

"Wouldn't those be in a _bedroom_?"

"If you find one of those, tell me right away!" Joey grinned again, then turned and slipped through another doorway. "Be back in a second," he said, letting the door close gently behind him.

Téa rolled her eyes, but stepped into the room and pulled the door closed behind her. Waiting a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, she walked across the room. It was mostly empty; the sparse furniture had heavy covers over it and the lamps didn't have any bulbs in them. She slid open the closet: empty. A set of double doors led to a balcony, but she didn't bother to check that.

She walked across the room again, intending to wait for Joey in the hallway. Her hand closed over the doorknob and tried to push it down-

It was locked.

She stared at the handle in disbelief. No lock on this side. She vaguely remembered seeing a bolt on the other side when she entered; it must lock from the hallway. So she was stuck.

She dropped her sneakers and gave it one last hard tug, just to be sure. The door remained firmly in place. She contemplated pounding on it and calling for Joey, but shuddered at the thought of attracting any unwanted attention.

Téa glared fiercely at the door. "Joey Wheeler, you'd better hurry up," she whispered, praying that he would remember where she was supposed to be and release her.

Ten minutes later, she gave up.

* * *

Joey stepped through the room, eyes darting around professionally. There was very little potential here; it looked like an office, but hadn't been used in a while. He crossed quickly to the doors on the other side and chose one at random. From there, he entered another office. Shaking his head – this hallway was a dud – he found a door that led back into the hallway and scanned up and down for Téa.

She wasn't there.

His brow furrowed, and he trotted partway down the hallway, reaching a T-junction. He looked left and right quizzically. He didn't remember this – where was the stairway? Slowly, he began to wonder if he was in the right hallway. It looked familiar, but then again, all the hallways probably looked the same. Shrugging, he decided that the best thing to do would be to retrace his steps…

Except he couldn't remember them. Which door had he just come out of? Left or right?

He groaned, albeit quietly. He opened one door: it looked like the office he'd just left, but something was slightly off… he opened the door next to it.

The offices were identical.

"Hell, Kaiba, what on earth do you want with twenty empty offices?" Joey gnashed his teeth together. Okay, he was still on the same floor, so he was bound to find his way back eventually, right? Téa was probably waiting for him in the hallway. He just had to find the correct one. If he'd taken a right from the main hallway, and a left into the next room, and straight into this hallway, should he go right or left?

"Screw it," he muttered. He went left.

* * *

Téa sighed and absently rubbed the irritating latex gloves, wondering where Joey was. Maybe the same thing had happened to him. Or maybe he'd gotten caught up in one of his beloved practical jokes. She shook her head, resigning herself to the fact that she would have to find another way out. She checked the closet again, but there was definitely no way out. Her parents had a trap door leading to the attic on the ceiling of their closet, but this ceiling was smooth. There was probably another floor or two above her, anyway, so no attic.

She tested the doors to the balcony. To her relief, the lock was on her side. She unbolted it and stepped outside cautiously. The balcony appeared stable enough. Unfortunately, there were no more doors. She edged down carefully to the lone window, which led to a different room, and peered through.

It was either covered by curtains or pitch-black inside the room. Possibly both.

She rolled her eyes, then figured that she was pretty much out of options. She could either go in there or sit out here and wait for someone to notice her. Obviously she wanted to escape unseen. Téa examined the window to see how it opened: once unlocked, the windows would swing outward.

Once unlocked. That was the problem.

Téa tilted her head to the side so the dim moonlight could fall directly on the small window. It was comprised of two panes of glass, split down the middle by a strip of ornate metal. It looked like the lock was in the metal. Yes- she could see it. The lock was a simple hook. If she could slip something in the middle, she could lift the latch.

She fumbled around in the deep pockets of her pants, and came out triumphantly with a nail file. Sliding it in the crack, she easily slipped the latch up and pulled the windows outward, one pane opening on each side. As she did so, a warning flashed through her mind: _WHAT IF THERE'S A BURGLAR ALARM?!_

The thought came too late, and she cringed, expecting to hear blaring sirens pierce the night. _Red lights flashed in front of her eyes, and her eardrums split with the sheer force of the noise. A few seconds later, she became aware of running footsteps, and someone grabbed her arm. She squinted up to see a spectacularly-pissed off Seto Kaiba… "You're dead, Gardner," he growled, before closing his fist around her neck and throwing her off the balcony_…

Slowly, Téa opened her eyes. There was nothing. She had been imagining the worst-case scenario… and now there was nothing. No alarm. No running security guards. No furious Seto Kaiba. In fact, there was so much nothing that she started to become suspicious.

"Maybe Kaiba knows we're here, and this is just one big joke on _us…_" she muttered, shuddering for a moment before quickly climbing through the window. She shut and latched it behind her, then headed straight for the door. To her immense relief, it was unlocked. She let herself out into the hallway and paused a moment, trying to get her bearings. She wasn't sure which direction…

Téa began to pad down the hallway, then stopped. Was that an echo, or…

No; she could hear clearly now. There were definitely footsteps, coming her way.

"Joey!" she whispered to herself, relieved to have finally found him. From the sound of it, he was coming down a side hallway to her right. His feet padded slowly on the thick carpet, and he was breathing heavily.

…he was breathing _very_ heavily. It almost sounded as if he were snoring. What on earth was he thinking?

"Why are you doing that? Do you want to get caught?" Téa hissed as the body rounded the corner. A second later, it processed in her mind that this dark shape was much shorter than Joey. The person slowly turned and shuffled towards her, and even in the darkness she recognized the slender form and mass of black hair. "Mokuba?" she squeaked.

* * *

To his utmost delight, Joey found himself in the wing of the mansion that the Kaiba brothers slept in. He passed by a door hinged slightly open. He would have gone in, but for the sign on the door: 'Mokuba's Room'. Mokuba had evidentially made the sign himself, and surrounded the letters in the middle with various childish drawings. Joey gave a lopsided grin, and carefully made his way past the open door. He neither heard nor saw sign of the sleeping child inside.

The next door he came across was decorated with a similar sign: 'Mokuba's Bathroom'. The bathroom would be a perfect place to start his practical jokes, but Joey bypassed the door without thinking. He had nothing against the kid, and why waste supplies? Getting the elder Kaiba's bathroom would be much more rewarding.

Doubling back, Joey took a glance at the door opposite from Mokuba's bedroom. This, too, had a sign on it: 'Seto's Bedroom'. It was obvious Mokuba had made this as well; it was in the same careful handwriting, and Mokuba had drawn a picture of a Blue-Eyes White Dragon next to the words. It was cute – it didn't fit Seto Kaiba at all.

Though the door opposite Mokuba's bathroom was unlabeled, it made sense that this would be Kaiba's bathroom. Joey very, very cautiously pushed the door open and flicked his tiny penlight. He was rewarded with the sight of Kaiba's tidy and clean bathroom, with the door leading to the bedroom very firmly closed.

Joey's grin screamed victory. He carefully set his backpack down on the floor and unzipped it, pulling out his ammunition. First things first… His eyes fell on the shower. Tugging open the thick glass doors, Joey snatched up Kaiba's shampoo bottle. He unscrewed the top and, with concentration he never showed in chemistry class (which had once resulted in a rather large hole in Ryou Bakura's sweater), added a liberal amount of honey to the top of the shampoo. With a victorious grin, he replaced the shampoo, hoping Kaiba tended to squirt it directly into his hair.

It was still a shame that he'd left the bleach at home… Kaiba would look so wrong as a blonde, and it would have been great.

He reached into the bag again, plucking out a small funnel and a package of food dye. With a wicked grin on his face, he crept over to the sink, scouting out the toothpaste. Joey opened it up and squeezed a small amount out, just to make sure of the color. "Green," he whispered, choosing that same color from the package of food dye. He funneled it into the toothpaste, then screwed the cap back on and squeezed the tube to mix in the dye. "I wonder how Kaiba will look with green teeth?"

Joey noticed one more difference between this porcelain shrine and his own crowded bathroom: Kaiba kept the toilet seat _down_. Like, fully. "Freak," Joey muttered. But it would make things easy. Carefully, he squeezed a tube of clear hair gel in a line around the seat, trying not to think about the reason Kaiba would sit on it. He lowered the lid; it was impossible to tell what he'd done. Hopefully Kaiba wouldn't look down before sitting.

Last, but certainly not least. In fact, he would love to be around for the results of this one. Joey unzipped the front compartment and removed his precious can, cradling it in his arms as if it were a small child. Tristan had given him this for his birthday, and how proud would he be to see how Joey put it to use!

He opened the linen closet next to the shower. As expected, there hung Kaiba's bathrobe. With a mad smirk, Joey held the robe open and shook the can over it, concentrating especially where the cloth would settle over Kaiba's ass. He was very careful not to get any of the particles on himself – after all, itching powder was such an unpleasant sensation.

* * *

Téa slapped both hands to her face, horrified. "I am so sorry – I can explain!" she began in a desperate whisper. Mokuba didn't say anything; he just shuffled closer. He was still making that heavy breathing noise; the one that sounded like… snoring?

"Are you _sleepwalking_?" she asked, her voice very high. Thankfully, he didn't respond, which answered her question in the affirmative. She went weak with relief. Keeping her eyes on Mokuba, she backed up to the end of the hallway. She felt a little bad just leaving him there, but he had to be safe in his own house… unlike her. Téa found the staircase and started to descend it, her only thoughts right now focused on getting _out_ of here –

Someone was coming _up_ the stairs.

Her jaw dropped at her absolute rotten luck (_how many people are wandering around this damn place at four in the morning?,_ she wondered indignantly), and she hurriedly turned around. Thanking her lucky stars that she had a dancer's graceful steps, and that her duckling socks didn't make any noise on the carpeted staircase-

Hold that thought. "My socks?" she whispered, looking at her empty hands. _I left my shoes in that room!_

She nearly groaned out loud, but her sense of self-preservation was too strong. She made it to the fourth floor without being detected. The stairs wouldn't go any higher; this must be the top floor. She paused at the top of stairs, ready to flee down the hallway, but the people coming up stopped at the third floor. Téa sighed silently, and sat down near the edge of the staircase, listening to whatever happened next. What if they knew about Joey?…

"Mokuba!" The voice belonged to an elderly lady. "It _is_ him, Blake."

"I thought as much. Third time this week this child's sleepwalked. Why don't you take him back to his bedroom, Dolores, and I'll check in the room where the alarm went off to make sure he didn't leave any windows open."

_Oh!_ There _had_ been an alarm- a _silent_ alarm! Either to fool any bumbling robbers (_not like me_, she fiercely hushed the voice in her head) or so that Mokuba wouldn't wake up if he ever sleepwalked. It was only by sheer luck that Mokuba got blamed for setting off that window, and she and Joey must have made it inside before the security guards rewired the alarm after the truck delivery.

She allowed herself a few moments of utter relief, and made a solemn vow to kill Joey if they ever got out of this alive. How _were_ they going to get out, anyway, if the security system was running? Well, Téa supposed while they were changing the security tapes, they could also temporarily de-activate the alarm-

_Oh no_, she suddenly realized. That security guard had been alerted the second the silent alarm went off! And there was no way he could have known that, unless… _They man the control room all night!_ …_we are _so _dead…_

As Téa was burying her head in her hands, she heard footsteps beneath her, and Dolores and Blake converged again.

"He's back in bed, sound asleep, the sweet child," Dolores said fondly. "I hope he grows out of this sleepwalking phase soon – I always worry, as does Mister Kaiba."

"Well, no harm has come yet. Mister Kaiba is very good about making sure Mokuba is safe. Now, you run off to bed, Dolores. I need to do a quick check of the fourth floor, and I'll follow you."

"The fourth floor? Whyever would you need to check that?"

"Whenever the alarm goes off, Mister Kaiba requires a security check of _every_ floor," Blake said wryly. "I start from the top and work my way down."

Dolores sighed. "He's so concerned, bless him. Well, you do your check and then get a few more hours of sleep. Good night, Blake."

"See you in the morning, Dolores," he responded, and their footsteps once again went apart: Blake heading up the stairs, Dolores going down.

"Bless him," Téa mimicked under her breath. Who would have thought that his employees thought so fondly of Ka-

Blake heading _up_ the stairs? Security check!

She scrambled up as quickly as she could and backed into the nearest room. The door closed gently just before Blake entered the hallway and headed straight for the nearest door. He swung it open, glanced inside, and closed it quickly. Téa felt the blood drain from her face – her door was next!

But Blake didn't turn to face her. He headed down further, swung open the next door, and closed it. After he did that again, bypassing another door to the left, Téa realized he was checking the hallway one side at a time. She squeezed her eyes shut, thankful that she'd chosen a closet on the left side. It bought her a few more precious seconds, though it wouldn't be long until Blake reached the end and doubled back. And it wasn't like there was any way out of this. No doors, no windows- it was a storage closet, and a relatively small one at that. And, while the windows at either end of the hallway let in some moonlight, it was pitch black inside here. She groped behind her, hoping for something to hide behind, but her hand encountered plaster: no luck there.

She took a deep breath, hearing the steady opening and shutting of the doors, reminding her that doom was at hand. She wondered for a moment what kind of face Blake would make when he swung open the closet for another perfunctory glance, and encountered a human crouching in the shadows. She wondered what kind of face Kaiba would make when he sent her to jail for a year. Possibly three years. No doubt he would be grinning like a maniac.

Téa had one last hope – she stretched up, trying to reach the ceiling. This was the top floor; maybe she would finally find a trap door leading to the attic. Her fingers grazed the uneven surface – _yes_! She traced the outline of a door! Seeking out the handhold eagerly, Téa yanked it down and hurriedly unfolded the ladder, working expertly in the pitch black. She scaled the ladder and threw herself on the attic floor, pulling up the trapdoor quickly behind her. Lying on the wooden plyboard, she pressed her ear to the floor, trying to listen.

Blake grew closer, opening the doors on the left side now. When he reached the closet, he had it open for only a few seconds before shutting it quietly. Heaving a sigh of relief, he headed down the staircase, his footsteps slowly fading into nothing.

Nearly paralyzed with the fear of all her near-escapes, Téa waited for nearly five minutes before stirring. She rolled over and attempted to stand up, but her head collided heavily with the ceiling. "_OW_!" she shouted, then clamped a hand to her mouth, biting down to distract her attention from the pain. When the throbbing subsided, she cautiously reached up and touched the ceiling. It wasn't more than two feet above her head! "What kind of an attic is this?" she grumbled, rolling over again so she was on her back. She remembered the penlight in her pocket and brought it out, shining it around. The ply board only covered a small percentage of the floor space; the rest was taken up by pipes, tubes, wires, and strange buttons. She saw a few metal appliances to her right.

"Oh geez," she realized, rolling her eyes. It wasn't an attic at all – go figure; with all the empty rooms downstairs, what would the Kaibas need with an attic? No, this was a repair zone; she was currently in the crawl space workers used when they needed to fix something like the air conditioning or the lighting.

Téa glanced from side to side, something critical occurring to her. _I wonder if the security system feed goes through here?_…


	3. Part III : Sneaking Out, or not

**Stinkbomb, Kaiba?**

* * *

_It was to be a glorious pranking, one unmatched by any other in the history of Domino, daringly targeting the off-limits and imposing Kaiba mansion. Except that Joey and Téa got lost inside the unnecessarily large house._

* * *

Part Three of Four – Sneaking Out… or not

* * *

"This is the stupidest idea ever," Téa grumbled.

She wished Joey were here to defend himself, because it was awfully depressing to be stuck in the appliance repairing crawl space by herself. She was dragging herself across the space by her fingers, because the ceiling was all of two feet high. Her tiny penlight was hardly adequate for what she was trying to find: the control panel for the security system.

"A timer?" she questioned to herself, trying to follow the wires. The timer was connected to a panel neatly labeled 'Christmas lights'. Right now, every switch on the board was dark. Of course; it wasn't in season. Kaiba probably sent someone up here every December to reconnect the main controls and set up the timer so the Christmas lights came on every night; but for now, it wasn't in use.

Sighing, she painstakingly made her way across the ply boards to the other side of the crawl space; this half was a dud, mostly water pipes. She bypassed several big appliances: 'Central Air Cooling System', 'Furnace', 'Dehumidifier'. Téa scurried over to a promising-looking switchboard, but it was merely labeled 'Sprinkler System'.

"_Sprinklers_?" she whispered under her breath. "Oh. In case of fire. They have those at school, but I've never heard of a house having its own sprinkler system." She took another look at it. "And what a complicated one." It was divided into four levels, for each story of the house, and each individual room was labeled. Téa shook her head, marveling at the lifestyle the Kaibas lived. She much preferred her simple split-level; she was quite comfortable there with her parents. "We make do with a plain old fire extinguisher," she giggled, then moved on.

"Ah-ha!" she said triumphantly, aiming the penlight at the large box in the corner. 'Security cameras' was etched into the metal plating. "_Perfect_," she whispered.

Téa had been paying close attention to Joey's explanation, though she might not have appeared to at the time. She figured, if nothing else, this would be a good test for her: Reasoning that it was good to know a little bit of everything, and that technology was especially important in this age, she'd signed up for a computer class at school this semester. Now she approached the box with trepidation, noticing that Joey had been right. It was very clearly labeled.

"So just switch the dates around, huh?" she mumbled. Actually, she had to give credit to Joey – or rather, Bakura. It was much smarter than trying to erase the feed, especially since it was digital. Digital feed wasn't as simple as stealing a tape, and anything she did to crash the computer Seto Kaiba could undo. But if they changed the dates… he would probably never even think to check, say, February 20, 2003.

Téa flicked the main switch, diverting the power from the control room to the box she was currently crouched over. Unless the security guards in the control room were actually messing with the cameras – and there was no reason for them to be – they wouldn't notice a thing. She was willing to bet that they didn't actually stare at the live video (and a lucky thing, too), but checked to make sure the cameras were working properly and waited for alarms to be triggered. She winced at the memory.

It was relatively simple to change the dates. She entered the hard drive of the security system; since she was working from the main terminal, it allowed her to switch the current date's video feed with February 20, 2003; she picked the date because they were all in Duelist Kingdom at the time and she knew the house would be deserted. She watched the clock; as it ticked by the seconds, it automatically switched the tapes. She rewound it to four in the morning, when she and Joey had been spray-painting the windows: Nothing.

"_Excellent_," Téa breathed, quite proud of herself. She had a tense moment when she went to save the changes: the system needed identification. She froze, until she remembered that her mother kept all the vital information about the furnace tacked up on the wall next to that appliance. Although Kaiba would probably be more careful, she was willing to bet that his employees sometimes took shortcuts. Sure enough, she found a laminated card tucked under the right corner of the metal box. She quickly entered the user name and the password, and heaved a sigh of relief when the green light flashed. She transferred power back to the control room, and flicked off the switch. The quiet hum died down.

Téa contemplated taking the card, just in case she wanted to hack into Kaiba's security system again, but in the end decided to leave it where it was. The last thing she needed was for someone to notice and figure out what happened. She checked to make sure she hadn't left too much of a trail, but the latex gloves were still on and the ground was free of dust, so there were no tracks. She'd done a clean job of it.

For the first time that night, she felt a sense of victory. She'd done something – she had _results_. Maybe this was the kind of elation Joey felt when he was lobbing a water balloon at someone, though she hoped to God that he wasn't planning on soaking Kaiba tonight. Although, she had to admit, a sopping wet Seto Kaiba _would_ be pretty amusing.

Téa paused. Her eyes went from the timer still attached to the Christmas display, to the switchboard labeled 'Sprinkler System'. Timer… sprinklers. Timers… sprinklers.

"Oh, I couldn't," she whispered to herself. "I shouldn't…"

But oh, how tempting. And wasn't this what they came here to do? Wasn't that Joey's big mission: Prank Seto Kaiba?

"But it might ruin all of his computer equipment…" she worried.

And that was why there were all those different switches. So she could keep the water out of the offices and just in the hallways. A grin slowly spread over her face.

It was very, very simple to do. Her computer teacher would be proud of her. And so would Joey.

* * *

Joey hummed to himself as he slipped out of Kaiba's bathroom. Quietly, of course; a few minutes ago, some security guard had come around and checked all the rooms. He didn't know why; he heard Mokuba's name being mentioned. Another elderly lady had been talking. He'd heard a door open and shut; by the sound of it, it was Mokuba's bedroom. Luckily, that was the only room in this corridor checked; the security guard seemed to think Seto Kaiba's chambers were off-limits.

He hoisted the backpack again. He still had a few tricks he wanted to set up, but it was getting pretty late now. The clock in the bathroom said 5:13. He needed to find Téa pretty soon. They also needed to change those security tapes. He bit his lip; he hoped it would be as easy as he thought. On the one hand, Joey would dearly love to take credit for all this; on the other hand, he didn't want to be killed by an enraged Seto Kaiba at such a tender age.

Anyway. "I wonder where the library is?" he mused aloud. He was going to guess second floor, just because he'd seen a bit of the first and third floors already. Finding the staircase, he quickly slipped down. It took a bit of wandering, but eventually he came across a set of huge double-doors. They were heavier than he expected, and he tugged sharply, but eventually slid through the narrow opening.

Upon being confronted with the rows and rows of books, Joey snorted. "I wonder how many of these he's actually read," he said disparagingly. There were too many of them; this wasn't going to be as funny as he'd hoped. Nevertheless, he found a shelf that looked the most frequently perused, and quickly stripped the books of their jackets, randomly slipping them back on. "Mix-n-match," he grinned. "This'll drive Mr. Obsessive-Compulsive _insane_."

Joey headed downstairs again, finding himself by the main entrance. He had no intention of leaving, of course. Actually, he wanted to find the kitchens. But as he turned, something caught his eye. Mokuba's backpack and Seto's briefcase were sitting side-by-side next to the front door, ready to be brought to school the next day.

"Oh, perfect," he grinned. "I didn't think I'd get this opportunity." Kneeling down, he quickly unlatched the briefcase. Opening up his backpack, he pulled out two of Serenity's old rag dolls and plopped them on top of the notebooks, latching the briefcase again and scurrying away with a smirk.

Joey found the kitchens and, after opening up a few of the cabinets, found the salt. He grabbed the small container of sugar sitting on the kitchen table, probably used to sprinkle on cereal, and, transferring that to the main sugar bag, refilled the table sugar with salt. He was just scanning the room, looking for something else to do, when the light in the hallway flicked on.

He stared at it in horror for a moment, before desperately looking for a place to hide. He was tempted to dive into the oven, but didn't quite have the nerve after all the creepy stories he'd heard about that. He would rather not be roasted alive, thank you very much. A second before the door to the kitchen swung open, Joey jumped into the pantry and closed the sliding doors.

A woman shuffled in, wearing a black dress with a white apron that just screamed 'maid'. She yawned, looking tired; she wasn't much older than Joey's mom, but her hair had a lot more gray. She headed over to the coffee pot, and busied herself preparing a brew. Luckily for Joey, all the ingredients seemed to be kept in the cupboard above the coffee pot, and she didn't approach the pantry.

He shifted, hoping his foot wouldn't fall asleep. It smelled nice in here. Lots of bread, and crackers, and… were those chocolate chip cookies?? He turned his head and sniffed – yes! Right behind his right shoulder. His hand sneaked up and grabbed the package, trying not to make any noise as he unwrapped the crinkly paper. He stuffed a cookie in his mouth, relaxing at the chocolaty goodness. These were really good cookies – not too dry and crumbly. He bet they were gourmet. He also bet that Seto Kaiba didn't actually eat them (that boy did not know how to live).

The maid shuffled out again. Knowing she would be back, Joey dashed from the closet, still clutching onto the precious cookies. No one would ever miss them. He was about to leave by the back doorway when his gaze fell on the brewing pot of coffee… this was too good to pass up. Heading back to the pantry, he rummaged around until he found… _Vinegar. This should do well_.

A few drops, put the lid back on, and scat. Joey would have patted himself on the back if he could.

* * *

Téa made it down safely from the crawl-space and crept down one floor. The third floor was where she lost Joey; she could only hope he would still be there. She didn't dare call out: the house was beginning to come to life. She could hear a shower start somewhere on the first floor. Maybe it was the servants who stayed here; maybe it was one of the Kaibas. Either way, it was time to _leave_!

"Oh- come on…" she groaned. She was in an unfamiliar hallway; there were only four doors. Téa stood next to an unmarked one and peered ahead, wondering if she should just turn back. There were signs on the rest of the doors – she squinted to read… 'Mokuba's Bedroom'.

"Oh hell," she whispered. This was definitely not the wing she wanted to be in. She was about to turn around and head for the staircase when the _knob started turning_.

Mokuba's bedroom door was opening, and she acted fast. She threw open the unmarked door she was standing beside and flung herself in, closing it quickly behind her.

"Big brother?" she heard Mokuba whisper from outside. She crossed her fingers, hoping he wouldn't follow her in, but she heard him pad away. Téa breathed a sigh of relief – and tensed up again the second she looked around.

How terrific – she was in Seto Kaiba's personal bathroom. It was bigger than her bedroom; there was a huge glass shower at one end, and a large, gleaming sink at the other. "What, no Jacuzzi?" she mumbled. Honestly, if she had a bathroom this inordinately gigantic, she would at _least_ put in a Jacuzzi. What did Kaiba do to relax?

_Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep._

Téa jumped a mile, and her heart leapt into her throat. She nearly screamed, before she caught hold of herself. It was just the alarm going off, telling Kaiba to wake up – no one knew she was in there –

_Telling Kaiba to wake up??_

A dull pounding sound, and the beeping stopped. She heard cloth rustling, and knew all too well that Kaiba was standing up, stretching… now that he was out of bed, he'd head right for the shower…

She glanced around frantically – she couldn't go outside yet; what if Mokuba was still there? What if he heard her? Making a desperate decision (and a very stupid one at that), Téa lunged for the linen closet right next to the shower. Her socks skidded on the highly polished floor, but she caught her balance and slipped into the closet. She jerked the sliding door closed and backed up as far as she could – maybe a good three inches. Towels pressed at her back. The bathroom light flicked on, and she gulped, hoping Kaiba couldn't hear her heart pounding.

The little bit of light that flooded into the closet illuminated the object hanging right in front of her face – his bathrobe.

His bathrobe…

His _bathrobe_?

The bathrobe that he would need to wear.

If there had been room, Téa would have knelt and said her final words right then and there.

* * *

"Okay. I am officially trapped."

By now, the bottom floor was positively bustling with people. Security guards, maids, a cook… Joey was officially trapped, and officially dead. He'd started sweating. "And everything was going so well," he moaned. "Where's Téa, anyway?" He'd been thrilled when she lost the bet and he could drag her around – she was supposed to be the one to get him out of messy situations like these. She was smart like that. But he'd gotten lost… maybe she had too… "Why is this damn house so big?"

Okay. Think. He obviously needed backup. Bakura would be nice to have around – after all, his darker half _was_ a professional thief – but Joey had no idea what his number was and no way of contacting him. Tristan was too much like Joey to be of any use. That left Yugi.

"Good old Yugi," Joey said to himself, feeling reassured at the thought of his helpful best friend. "He'll know what to do." Now, to find a phone. He was on the second floor at the moment, the least-explored floor, except for the fourth. He sidled down the hallway, peeking carefully into rooms, until he found what looked like Mokuba's study area. It was a cute room, littered with beanbag chairs and random notebooks scattered across the ground. There was a math book open on the floor, but pushed away from the closest chair.

And there was a telephone on the desk.

"Victory!" Joey dashed forward, snatching up the receiver. Listening, and hearing, a dial tone, he began to punch in Yugi's home phone number, hoping his little buddy was up by now…

_Riiiiing… riiiiing… riiiiing…_

"_Hi, you've reached the Game Shop!_" Yugi's bright voice came on. Answering machine – damn! "_If you'd like to leave a message about the store, press 1. If you're trying to reach Solomon Moto, press 2. If you're trying to reach me, Yugi Moto, press 3. Thank you!"_

Joey pressed 3 quickly, waited impatiently for the beep, then started yelling into the receiver. "YUGI! If you can hear me, PICK UP! I'm stranded at KAIBA'S mansion with Téa – Téa's lost somewhere – we need help! Helloooo? YUGI! Wake UP! Come on, hurry it up, I NEED YOU! Come O-"

"Joey?" Yugi's sleepy voice interrupted. "Is that you?"

"Why, who else would it be?" he grinned.

"I didn't know you _could_ get up this early," the boy mumbled on the other end. "What's wrong?"

"Didn't you hear my message?"

"No, just someone yelling. So what's up?"

"Um… see, the thing is…" Joey's sheepish explanation was interrupted by a fast series of beeps. "Huh?" he wondered for a split second, before he realized what was going on. "Yugi! Hang up!" he yelped.

"What?" came the puzzled reply.

"Hello?" came a new voice to the conversation, sounding just as confused.

* * *

Mokuba was up long before his alarm – even before his older brother usually was, though he had seen Seto disappear into the bathroom as Mokuba exited his bedroom a few minutes after he awoke. _I must have been sleepwalking_, he thought. He always woke up early when he'd been sleepwalking.

He didn't want to go downstairs quite yet – he wasn't in the mood for breakfast this early, and he didn't want to disturb any of the workers. So he wandered into Seto's office, and flopped down heavily on the couch. "Bored," he mumbled. This afternoon would be pretty boring too. Wednesdays, he had no clubs after school, and Seto had a meeting today. Maybe he'd go hang out with friends… "I know!" he said, sitting up and smiling brightly. "I'll go over to the Game Shop after school today."

He wasn't sure if it would be Yugi or his grandpa attending the store, though. Glancing at the clock, he decided it wasn't too early to call. A shopkeeper was up by 5:45, right?!

He scooped up the phone and punched in Yugi's phone number without listening for a dial tone. When he placed the receiver to his ear, however…

"-ugi! Hang up!" someone yelped.

"What?" He was pretty sure that was Yugi's voice.

"Hello?" he asked, unsure. "May I speak to Yugi, please?"

"Mokuba? Is that you?" Yugi asked.

"Yeah," he said, relieved. "I was just wondering-"

"What are you doing at Joey's house?"

He actually took the phone away from his ear in order to stare at it bizarrely. "What am I doing _where_?"

"Ha! Ha!" Was that Joey, giving that weird forced laugh? "Yugi, you're such a joker!"

"Uh, Joey? Is that you? What are you doing on this line?" Mokuba asked, wishing he'd just waited until after school for this.

"Uh… see, we're on _three-way phone calls_!" Joey said, giving another weird laugh. "Yugi, at his house… you, at your house… and _me_, at _my_ house."

"…um…"

"So, _Mokuba_," Joey said quickly, cutting off Yugi. "You called _Yugi_, right? _What_ did you _want_?"

Mokuba frowned at the phone. Joey was acting even stranger than normal. His voice was strained and kept cracking; he sounded awfully stressed out about _something_. "Uh, I just wanted to talk to Yugi. To see if he was going to be at the Game Shop this afternoon."

"Yes, I will be," Yugi said, still confused. "Joey, I don't think I have three-way calli-"

"Well, _now_ that _that's_ settled!" Joey interrupted loudly. "We can all _hang up_! I know _Yugi_ said that he had to get _ready_… and I'm sure _Mokuba_ does too… so why don't we _all_ hang up?"

"Um, all right," Yugi said hesitantly. "Bye, Mokuba. Joey, can we talk about this in school? I have a lot of quest-"

"Yep, sure, _bye_ guys!" Joey said hastily.

"Bye," Mokuba said, before clicking the button to 'off' and dropping the phone into his lap. "Whatever," he muttered. Sometimes he could see where Seto was coming from, making fun of them so much…

* * *

Joey waited until he was sure both Mokuba and Yugi had hung up before shoving the phone away and dropping his head in his hands. "Close call," he muttered. Good thing he'd handled it so smoothly. 


	4. Part IV : Blatantly Leaving

**Stinkbomb, Kaiba?**

* * *

_It was to be a glorious pranking, one unmatched by any other in the history of Domino, daringly targeting the off-limits and imposing Kaiba mansion. Except that Joey and Téa got lost inside the unnecessarily large house._

* * *

Part Four of Four – Blatantly Leaving

* * *

"This is the stupidest idea ever," Téa grumbled.

It was a very, very quiet grumble.

She honestly wanted to die as she heard Seto Kaiba shuffle across the room, yawning once, heading for the sink. The water ran, and the unmistakable sound of someone brushing his teeth filled the room. She cringed every time he passed near her; the closet was ventilated with downward slits in the door. She could see him, although he couldn't see her unless he lay on the floor and looked upward. Luckily, he hadn't the slightest suspicion she was there, and lying on the floor wasn't an activity he generally partook in.

He walked past; she cringed. But he was headed for the shower; he reached in and flicked the water on, still brushing his teeth. _Oh God_, she thought, the color rushing to her face so rapidly she could swear she was giving off heat waves. He was going to shower while she was _right there_, not ten feet away!

Kaiba walked back to the sink and spit out the toothpaste, rinsing quickly. Téa watched; he didn't bother to check his reflection in the mirror, but she noticed something odd about his teeth. _Good Lord, I think Joey's been here…_

He stepped over to the shower now; Téa noticed his towel hanging on a hook next to it. Thank goodness for that, at least. Maybe he wouldn't need his bathrobe after all.

Kaiba stripped off his shirt in one quick motion, before she could look away. She clapped her hands to her eyes before he took off his pants, but not without getting a good look at his chest first. _Holy shit, he must work out…_ No wonder he could always shove Joey away so easily. She could vividly picture him using those taut muscles to rip her limb from limb when he found her hiding in here.

A new, even more terrifying thought occurred to her. _What if he thinks I'm a perverted fangirl _spying _on him?_ She didn't think she could take the humiliation. She pictured all the tabloids: 'Best Friend of Yugi Moto Caught Peeping on Seto Kaiba in Shower!' Being torn from limb to limb was starting to look pretty good.

Her hand trembling slightly, she reached behind her and dislodged a towel from the stack. It was nice and big – perfect. Unceremoniously, Téa draped it over her head, trying to hide her face.

* * *

Joey sat on the desk next to the telephone, staring off into space and feeling relieved about his very close call. After a few moments, he realized he was staring blankly at Mokuba's math book. "Oh no!" he panicked. "What if he needs it for school today?"

Knowing that Mokuba was already awake, he bolted from there as fast as possible, hoping he wouldn't encounter anyone coming down the hallway. He found a side passage, and was already halfway down it when he realized there were no doors. _It _can't _be a dead end…_

Joey reached the end, wondering if he should turn back, when he noticed a control panel on the wall. Since his situation looked pretty much hopeless, he decided to push the button in the middle. His hand was still encased in the latex glove, and his finger stretched out and pressed the green button in. It lit up right away, and with a low _whooshing_ sound the whole wall slid open.

Joey stared blankly at it for a moment. Only in the Kaiba mansion would such a weird thing happen, he decided. Especially since the wall just revealed… another wall. And another control panel.

_What the hell?_ he thought as he stepped in and pushed the other button. Immediately, the first wall slid closed, and the second wall opened. He stepped forward, seeing a sort of mesh covering. And beyond the mesh net…

_Seto Kaiba raises _birds

There were maybe two or three dozen of them on perches and another two dozen dozing in nests. Joey's jaw dropped as he surveyed the setup. He didn't recognize a lot of the birds, but there were a couple of parakeets, a bunch of canaries, and some green things. Also, at the end, there were three bigger birds: two parrots and a weird-looking thing he didn't recognize.

"Well, well, well," he murmured, taking a step forward. He searched for the control panel, but didn't find one; a second look showed that there was a slit in the mesh that he could step through easily. It fell into place behind him, preventing any birds from escaping; even if they did, that handy wall system was obviously designed so that they couldn't fly straight out. So Kaiba was just as obsessive about his little pigeons as, oh, everything else in his life.

Joey started to approach one of the canaries, wondering if the birds' wings were clipped, but froze as his bare foot was half-an-inch from the ground. He hastily pulled it back, and inspected the floor for bird poop. "Disgusting," he murmured, making a face. He was sure that Kaiba had someone clean this place every day, but it apparently hadn't been done yet. His sneakers been hanging by their laces from his neck all this while, but Joey quickly shoved his feet back into them and stepped forward again.

He reached out to stroke one of the birds. The canary watched him coming, then decided that it didn't recognize Joey. With a screech, it beat its wings and rose into the air, flying to a perch on the other side of the room and settling comfortably there.

"So they _haven't_ had their wings clipped," he mused aloud. "Interesting…" his eyes darted to the doors. "I wonder if there's any way to prop these open?"

* * *

For one wild moment, Téa thought Kaiba was actually singing in the shower. Then, when her blood pressure settled back down, she became aware that no song had such colorful vocabulary.

In the middle of swearing fluently, Kaiba apparently threw something at the shower door, because she heard a loud thud. That wasn't quite enough to satisfy him, and he kicked the wall a few times. Her eyebrows rose; she wondered if he'd discovered his green teeth yet, but that was unlikely. It was probably a new prank. _Thanks, Joey_, she thought ruefully.

She couldn't see him (thank God), but she heard Kaiba frantically scrubbing at something. It seemed like an eternity later when the water shut off and the shower door slammed open. He stomped out – she closed her eyes again, until she was sure he'd picked up his towel. Hoping he would just leave the room with the towel, and forget about a bathrobe, she peeked. The towel was slung haphazardly around his waist, and he was rubbing his hair in annoyance. Kaiba let out a low growl and stomped over to the linen closet, flinging it open before she could even gasp.

* * *

Seto Kaiba's morning had started out like any other, but when he stepped into the shower, he quickly discovered there was something terribly wrong with his shampoo.

"The hell?" he originally grunted in surprise when his hands came in contact with the sticky substance. His language and his patience rapidly deteriorated as he tried to get the malfunctioning shampoo out of his hair. He scrubbed at his hair, rubbed some soap in it, rinsed it, added more soap, threw the shampoo bottle around, scrubbed some more, and kicked the wall a few times. His eyes flashed: however this had happened, the culprit would _die_ (unless it was Mokuba).

That brought up an interesting point: how, exactly, _had_ someone swapped his shampoo for honey? He'd just hired some new staff a few days ago. It had to be one of them. Mokuba wasn't quite this vicious with his practical jokes – he was more of a whoopee cushion type – and if it _had_ been his little brother, Seto was sure he would already be able to hear Mokuba's giggling. And none of his permanent staff would be brave enough or suicidal enough to try something like this.

Running his hand through his soaking hair, Seto grimaced. It wasn't perfect, but it was the best he could do until he got his hands on some _real_ shampoo. Swearing revenge, he shut off the water and grabbed his towel, drying himself briefly. _The rest of my day had better not go like this_, he thought darkly. Flinging the towel over his hips, he stomped over to the linen closet and threw the door open, his hand automatically reaching for his bathrobe.

It wasn't on the hook.

He stared. His bathrobe seemed to be floating in midair, quavering slightly. Slowly, he reached out and pulled it close to him. Someone – a girl, from the looks of it – had been holding it in front of her body. Now that he took it, she stood there like a statue. She was wearing jeans and a plain black shirt. Her hands were encased in latex gloves; she was wearing no shoes, just absurd blue socks with grinning yellow ducks; and there was a towel over her head.

Barely believing this, Seto reached out to pull the towel from her head. The girl's hands immediately reached up and grabbed the towel, keeping it firmly over her face.

Seto let out a menacing growl, his face slightly red. What the hell had this girl been doing? _Spying_ on him? Another desperate fangirl? And, possibly, was she responsible for the honey in the shampoo?

He reached out to forcibly rip the towel from her head, but the sudden movement dislodged the loose towel from his waist and he had to jerk his bathrobe in front of his body a split-second before the towel hit the floor. The girl made a sudden, choking noise, and behind his blush Seto shot her a death-glare. She better not even _think_ of laughing at him, because he was going to _kill_ her… as soon as he got dressed.

Turning his back to her, he quickly shrugged on his bathrobe and pulled it very, very tightly shut. Spinning around, he growled, "_What do you think you are doing in my_-"

That was as far as he got. His eyebrows shot up, and his face began to twitch.

"What are you-" he tried again, weakly. His hands shot behind him and grabbed his rear end – it was on _fire_! The horrible itching spread to all parts of his body. Gasping, he flung himself back into the shower, lunging for the cold water tap.

* * *

Téa was shaking so hard she was about to collapse; but all of a sudden, Kaiba went stiff. His hands reached behind him and he uttered a small moaning noise. Then he dashed into the shower, and the water came on a split-second later.

For a moment, she was too shocked to move. _What the…_ she wondered, before it clicked. _Joey. Again._

For the first time that night, she was thrilled with Joey. Kaiba slammed the shower door closed, flinging the offending bathrobe over the top a moment later. She started to sprint for the door, but some instinct stopped her. _Slow him down_, a little voice whispered. She turned around, once again skidding on the slippery floor, and snatched up the bathrobe. Then she was gone, bolting for the staircase.

* * *

"Fly, fly, my pretties!" Joey said impatiently, waving his arms at the birds. He ran at a group of parakeets, but they fluttered out of the way and settled on the other side of the room. He heaved a sigh. "Stupid birds," he muttered. It had taken a good deal of effort to pin the mesh net back, and to carry enough books back from the library to prop both walls open all the way. The birds had a clear path to freedom, but they wouldn't move.

He weighed his options – he had a stinkbomb in his backpack; what if he let that loose in here? Maybe the damn birds would leave. He unzipped it, and had removed the stinkbomb, when he heard running footsteps above him, and a door slammed.

"Téa!" he shouted happily, and dashed from the room, jumping over the stacks of books and making directly for the staircase. He nearly crashed into Téa; she was wearing a towel over her head and carrying a bathrobe.

"Joey! _Finally_!" she gasped in relief. "Come on, Kaiba knows we're here! We have to get out – _now_!"

"The security system-" he began.

"Already did it. Here!" She threw the bathrobe at him. "Put that over your head so no one can see you and let's _go!_"

Recognizing it as the bathrobe he'd doused with itching powder, he quickly turned it inside out before draping it over his head. It billowed out like a cape as he followed Téa down the staircase. "Out the front door!" he said, pointing the way. But even as he said it, security guards materialized, blocking their way.

"What the-?" one of them asked, astonished.

"It looks like kids," another said.

"Oh, _no-_" Téa moaned.

And then the sprinklers came on.

* * *

In the immediate confusion that followed, Joey grabbed Téa's wrist and dragged her into a side hallway. "I think it doubles around," he whispered. "I saw another hallway next to the front door – I think that's where it comes out." Realizing that he was still carrying the stinkbomb, he chucked it back into the midst of the security guards. Their cries changed from "_Fire!_" to "_What's that smell?_"

"I wired the sprinkler system," Téa whispered to him, almost proudly.

"You- did?" he asked, shocked. "You're kidding me! Way to go, Téa! I think you've just allowed for our escape!"

Though he couldn't see her face under the towel, she grinned. "There's the door!" she said, pointing. They broke into a dead run; Joey reached it first and flung it open. As they escaped into the misty dawn, Joey threw one last glance over his shoulder and saw dozens of agitated birds, disrupted by the sudden water falling, flying all the way from the aviary on the second floor to the main hallway, terrorizing the security guards and household staff.

Kaiba barreled downstairs, wearing what looked like his bedsheet – he must have been in an awful hurry – and started to chase after them, but one of the disturbed parrots flew into his head and sent him to the floor (cursing fluently).

"We're free!" Joey said in triumph. "We're-" he stopped suddenly when he saw the gate. "Oops."

"This cannot be happening!" Téa cried. "We've come so far!"

"Keep running!" he advised. "Maybe we can scale the fence!"

"Joey, are you kidding?" she demanded. "Look at that thing! It's all vertical bars!"

Joey obliged, and looked at it. "Is it just me, or is it glowing?"

Téa nearly tripped over her own socks as she stared at it. "It _is_ glowing! And it's opening!"

"Ruuuuun!!!"

The two of them literally dove through the narrow opening and immediately collapsed in exhaustion. The towel tumbled off Téa's head as she rolled in the dirt; Joey threw off the bathrobe. The gate lost its golden glow and slammed shut.

Téa inhaled deeply, and choked on the dust. She flopped on her back and stared up at the slowly-lightening sky. A shadow descended on her and she grinned weakly. "Hi."

"You… are… my… savior," Joey gasped out, rolling over and giving his 'savior's' knees a tight squeeze.

"I did not know the Millennium Items could _do_ stuff like that," Téa said, staring at the gates.

"How did you find us?" Joey asked, still hugging the legs.

"I replayed your message on the answering machine," Yugi said, staring down at his two friends. "And I think you guys have a lot to explain."

* * *

Téa lived far from the Kaiba mansion and far from the school. She'd left her backpack at Joey's house the previous night, knowing she probably wouldn't be able to stop at home. She and Joey changed into their school uniforms at his house, and even had time to scrub clean their faces before Yugi called that it was time to go. The three of them headed for school; Joey and Téa sheepishly exchanged stories about their adventures.

"…so when we left, the sprinklers were going, the canaries and parakeets were flying around, Kaiba was trying to wash off the itching powder and wearing a sheet, and the stinkbomb was slowly permeating the house," Joey finished with a dramatic flourish. He slung an arm around Téa's shoulders. "You and me – that's teamwork. Tristan is going to be so jealous," he dreamily echoed his thoughts from a few hours ago.

"I am never, never doing something that crazy again," she told him, dropping her head. She stared down at her socks, hoping it would be a long time before someone stumbled upon her shoes in that one empty room.

Joey and Yugi ambled directly into first-period class, while Téa detoured into the gymnasium and grabbed her gym sneakers. She slipped them on, trying not to think about how ridiculous they looked with her duckling socks, and padded back to the classroom. She saw Kaiba headed for the same room in the opposite direction, his face twisted into a furious scowl, and gulped. _Please don't recognize me_, she pleaded silently.

Something about her bright red face must have caught his attention, because he looked her up and down. She tried to dash into the classroom, but he grabbed her arm. "Nice socks," he whispered threateningly.

It took a minute for her brain to process this. _What the hell?_ "Thanks?" she tried meekly.

His icy eyes narrowed. "Very… distinctive."

…_Oh._

Téa nodded quickly, trying to escape. His fist closed tighter around her arm. She looked at his snarling face, and opened her mouth to plead for her life-

His teeth were still green. And, before she could stop herself, she burst out laughing.

* * *

Joey heard Téa cracking up in the hallway, and wandered out. He received a momentary shock when he saw Kaiba grabbing Téa like he was going to kill her, but immediately he started snickering too. "Hey, Kaiba!" he said brightly. "You've got canary shit on your shoulder."

Kaiba dropped Téa like a red-hot iron and swiped at his shoulder, getting the dried droppings all over his hand. Joey doubled over, trying to control his laughter, and Téa hid behind him, her hand over her mouth. "Laugh it up, Wheeler," Kaiba growled, taking a menacing step forward. "You won't think it's so funny when I murder you in your sleep."

"Come on," Téa whispered in Joey's ear, tugging him into the classroom.

"Do you think he's really going to kill me?" he asked between guffaws. "Funny; I thought he'd just threaten to arrest me and throw me in a maximum security prison for the rest of my life."

"I thought so too," she said softly, watching the door to make sure Kaiba wasn't going to come in. "But then I realized – can you imagine the trial? We snuck in his house, painted his windows, changed his security system, and messed with his personal hygiene? Kaiba would rather die than have that publicized. Especially when there's no evidence other than… well, my socks."

Joey stared at her, and a grin blossomed on his face. "You are so right! This is _excellent_! We got off scot-free!"

"I wouldn't say that," she murmured, watching Kaiba finally enter the classroom. People had trickled in bit by bit. Tristan dashed in at the last minute and threw himself into his desk seconds before the bell rang.

"What's the rush? It's just study period," Joey said, giving his friend a shove. "And if you'll excuse me, I have a history paper to finish. Well, to start, actually."

Téa rolled her eyes as he pulled out a pen and a fresh piece of paper. He placed the tip of the pen on the paper, beginning to write…

And the pen exploded, sending a jet of black ink directly into his face. "What the-" he spluttered, jumping up. "I'm blind!"

Yugi and the teacher rushed to his aid with handfuls of tissues. Téa smacked her forehead and shot a glance at Kaiba, who was smirking so widely she was afraid his face would split. "We're going to get off scot-free, all right," she mumbled sarcastically. She'd just have to check for tacks on her chair every time she sat down.

Joey's face was stained in a black mask. He glared at Kaiba; the boy was leaning back triumphantly in his chair, looking victorious as the majority of the class snickered at Joey. On his way back to his seat, the blonde 'accidentally' knocked over Kaiba's briefcase, which popped open on the floor, revealing the two rag dolls.

The rest of the students, mostly confused by now, hid their laughter behind heavy textbooks. Kaiba and Joey exchanged death-glares. _I hope his breakfast was very yummy this morning_, Joey thought maliciously. _Especially his coffee_.

Téa sighed; why did she have a funny feeling that this was only the beginning?

* * *

_Unfortunately, although it may be the beginning of a new competition between Joey and Kaiba – and I don't mean Duel Monsters – it is the end of this story._

_To answer someone's question, Téa wired the security system for the whole day; it's automatically switching tracks even as time goes on. It no longer matters, but it proves how awesome she is, and it's bound to confuse Kaiba even more. :P_

_Thanks to everyone for reading! I hope I made you laugh. In return, if you could drop me a quick review, I'd really appreciate it. Take care!_

_--DarkShadowFlame—_

_P.S. – If you're sad that this story is ending, you might like another one that I wrote, called _Fifty Ways to Make Joey Wheeler's Life Miserable_. It's another practical joke fic, involving the same three main characters. Actually, I have a feeling many of you already _have _read it!_


End file.
